Bitching. It’s a strange phenomenon, isn’t it?
Most of us do it and learnt it during our high school days. During that time, it was more about talking smack on the girl who didn’t fit in with your group (SO regretful in adulthood), but as you grow up a little, bitching seems to morph into something you do about your nearest and dearest. You chat shit about your friend to your other friend. Who, I’m sure in turn then chats shit about you.
If they’re bitching with you, they’re probably bitching about you too.
It’s a strange, on-going and vicious little circle of nonsense and it’s taken me a while (yes, I’m 28) but I really am finally over it. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not claiming to be 100% moral and perfectly tempered. Ha, that I am not. However, I feel a shift of discomfort when people around me bitch that I never felt before in youth. I find myself wanting to exit certain conversations or change the subject because I’m fully aware that talking about someone behind their back is just so cowardly, it actually makes me cringe a little.
Now, I’m not saying you shouldn’t have a rant. I think a healthy rant is as necessary as air (I’m a proud venter). But, we should be ranting quickly, to only a trusted few, and all that negative energy should then be released and let go into the universe. I think it’s a healthy way to get it off your chest so it doesn’t consume you, but without making it daily chit chat.
So, Why Do We Bitch In The First Place?
Unfortunately, bitching is very much down to group mentality. Feeling that assurance that others have the same feelings (and annoyances) as you do. Why we feel that need to be comforted by others’ mutual irritations is beyond me. I’m no psychologist, just a bit of an over thinker.
Finding common ground with people makes us feel like we belong, but this negativity is actually really bad for our own self-esteem and highlights our own insecurities. I think bitching is also our internal jealously rearing its ugly little head, which is bad for both our self-confidence and ability to really bond with people for positive reasons.
How Can We Stop?
I mean, we’re adults here. We should be able to just not bitch, right? Actually, if you do it a lot I bet you’ll find it creeps up on you more than you think. I, myself, have been thinking about this issue for a couple of months and have certainly felt myself getting pulled into the bitch fest from time to time. Because I’m aware of it, I also now know my top culprits for leading me astray. BTW, this is not a blame game, I’m more than old enough to control my behaviour, but we’re all influenced in different ways by certain people in our lives for good and for not so good.
1. Let’s accept we do it. I think that’s a really good place to start. If you’re anything like me, you’ll start to notice how these conversations take off and begin to see how you can curve them into a more positive channel.
2. Stop comparing everyone. Stop comparing her to her or her to you and just “live and let live”. I fucking hate that saying but I guess it really does have some merit.
3. Curb it. If you’ve got to vent and release some frustration, do it to your very nearest, your BF, BFF or mum and then let it go.
Because really, shouldn’t we all just be trying to lift each other up? I know that’s cheesy but fuck, we’ve all got so much to tackle anyway. Do we really want the bad feeling in our stomachs when we know we have to sit across the table from someone we were slating just a few days ago? I don’t, for sure.
Some people are always going to just be annoying as fuck. We’re never going love and appreciate and admire everyone we meet and some people are just toe-curlingly irritating. HOWEVER, I, for one, am going to make a pact with myself to take a breath, do a little inner smile and skip that bitch for something much more interesting. Say, another glass of wine?
Love, Kate x
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